Why Women Should Stop Trying to Be Perfect

This is not so much a fashion post but I thought it was a topic that most successful and hard working women can relate to. Debora Sparm, President of Barnard College, recently posted on a very controversial issue on why women should stop trying to be perfect.

We have become a generation desperate to be perfect wives, mothers, and professionals.

We sometimes take a look at a women and see an athletic, successful, beautiful, and caring wife, daughter, mother, and professional. It is a contrversial issue because we all know those "perfect" women exist or at least we think they do. But according to Debora Spar

 Almost by definition, a woman cannot work a 60-hour-per-week job and be the same kind of parent she would have been without the 60-hour-per-week job. No man can do this; no human can do this

Us women are passionate about whatever we set our mind to and we're always trying to do it ALL AT THE SAME TIME. We are constantly striving to be super successful in our jobs while juggling being a mother, wife, daughter, and generous community member. Taking over a good 47 percent of the overall labor force in the United States and 59 percent of college-educated, entry-level workforce, it is no surprise what extraordinary role shifting this has done to our society. "Doing it alone" has become more of a personal challenge and more or less applauded by our society. So not only are women trying to do it all at the same time, but they are also struggling to do it all alone.

Indeed, rather than leaping with glee at the liberation that has befallen women since the 1960's, we are laboring instead under a double whammy of impossible expectations. 

This is not to bring down the spirit of those women whom are working more than one job and with that many hours because their family is in need of it. This is more or less addressing those who may not need the extra money. The majority may argue that they're not in it for the money and that its more of a personal passion but my response to them is that, when there are kids and families involved in the picture, our passions must be redirected to what matters more.

Hind Jarrah, PhD Executive Director of Texas Muslim Women Foundation, joined in on this conversation to let us know what she thinks.

My personal opinion is that deciding to have children is a huge responsibility and once the woman decides to do it, she needs to make them her priority. That will probably delay her career plans, however, it will give her the ability to do what is right for her children.

As we try to be perfect, we inevitable start losing control of what we once had in perfect shape. Little pieces start falling from our empire.

I do not believe in trying to be perfect. You need the peace of mind and ability to teach them [your children] the values and standards you have without stressing out yourself and without putting too much stress on them. - Hind Jarrah

My debate regarding this topic: What if we have "happiness" defined in all the wrong ways? Because we think to ourselves that if I am able to balance my children, husband, going to the gym, soccer practice, football games, ballet recitals and a 50+ hour job, then I will be happy. So what if being happy is not so happy?

So what's my point? What Im trying to say is that if we are able to redefine what makes us happy, then we'll be able to list our priorities in the right order. Some may really find that signing off that million dollar contract for the company is what brings them joy and others may find that carrying their kid home after a rainy soccer game is what makes them happy. Either way, both will adapt accordingly. Both of them will have sacrificed something but it doesn't matter because in the end, they're both doing what makes them truly happy.

xoxo
Ndaa