Thursday, July 25, 2013

Why I Took Off My Hijab!

She took off her hijab!! Wait, what?!?! Did you say she took off her hijab? OMG, why?

Hold your horses people. Before everyone starts freaking out. I didn’t take off my hijab.

 Disclaimer: I am no Islamic Scholar or Sheikh. I am a 23 year-old Muslimah. Hijabi. Fashion show producer. Chocolate fanatic. Fashion Magazine collector. Community member. Devote friend. Loving daughter. Caring wife.

Now that I made sure that’s cleared up, let’s carry on.

she took off her hijab

She took off her hijab has been something I’ve been hearing a lot lately. After seeing a few of my friends go through the same thing, it really made me wonder as to why they’ve chosen to do so and why now? Maybe its because we’re growing up and discovering ourselves.  Maybe its because we’re trying to find our path and realized we were lying to ourselves all these years trying to become someone we’re not. Maybe its because we want to break free of any religious or cultural “barriers” that may be holding us back. But how? How can something that is so liberating be viewed as a barrier? Whatever the reason may be, it is truly heart breaking.

I am not writing this to condemn or judge anyone. Who am I to judge you? Who am I to say that you’re not good enough? I am a sinner myself.

So before I go into the taking off the hijab part, let’s go back in time to when the decision was made to put on the hijab.  Before doing that, let’s agree on a few basic points:

  • Hijab is not optional. All Muslim women are obliged to wear the Hijab at one point in their life, just like they are obligated to pray.

  • A Muslim woman is required to observe hijab as soon as she reaches the age of puberty.


Those are points we can all agree on. Any further research about the religious side of the hijab is on you as a reader. Now moving on…

Because this topic was so intriguing to me, I went back and read through multiple blog posts about Muslim women who chose to remove their hijabs.

Why was the hijab put on in the first place? I saw answers like, everyone was doing it, it seemed so stylish, I didn’t want to be an outcast, my parents forced me (let’s not be ignorant and single out this point and take it out of context), I wanted the gifts and congratulations like my other newly “hijabified” friends.

Over 90% of those who have blogged about removing their hijabs have stated these reasons as to why they chose to wear the hijab. This makes so much sense. If you dont make such an important life decision with the right intention, you won’t last on your feet for too long.  You’ll break.

I was approached by a 15 year old the other day who was so excited about her new decision to start wearing the hijab and just to play devil’s advocate with her, I asked her if she was sure of her decision. I told her she’s so young and had such pretty hair; even advised her to wait a year or two. She responded with a simple “I can’t, I will be accounted for it.” Her answer blew me away.

Let’s get one thing straight. None of us understood 120% of everything behind the hijab when we first put it on but that’s completely fine because as we grow and experience more in life, we will continue to appreciate what we once knew so little about. Even myself. I didn’t really have a definite answer as to Why are you wearing that thing? when I was asked. My usual reply was My religion requires it and it’s to preserve modesty. Did I really understand what “modesty” was at the time? Nope. Was I able to quote any Hadith or verses from the Qur’an to support this? Not really. But deep down inside, I knew it was the right thing to do and I felt good about it. I wasn’t forced to wear it or forced to keep it on. The decision was completely up to me. I was happy. I felt beautiful in it.

It truly saddens me when I hear girls say that they feel ugly in their hijabs but I can understand where they’re coming from. Sometimes in my early years of hijab, while straightening my hair, I would catch myself thinking how pretty it was and if only I could go out with it. In fact, if any girl tells me she’s never thought this for even a split second, I would say you’re straight up lying because we all have at one point or another. Don’t think you have sinned if you ever had the same thoughts. It’s completely normal. You’re human. It’s just important to not build on these thoughts and to quickly rid yourself of them by either reading up on it or talking to someone about it.

The next stage after putting on the hijab comes the gifts, celebrations, styling, mixing and matching your colorful hijabs with your outfits. But after all the festivities are over, and if worn for the wrong reason, you begin thinking What have I done? Many women begin feeling unattractive and boring. Some stated that they feel “caged” and felt a huge burden on their shoulders of always having to represent Islam.  So some of you may read this and think, Their iman is weak! Why don’t they just read up some more on the hijab? Weeeeellll it’s not really as easy as it sounds.

So here’s the truth about hijab: It’s hard. It’s not easy. Maybe it seems easy for many of the parents and community members who immigrated to the United States for a better life for their children. Putting on hijab for them was much much easier, because back home, every other woman walking in the streets is wearing it. You won’t be the odd one out. What many parents AND community members don’t realize is the amount of stress and pressure young girls have to go through right now. You have all the peer pressure around them at school and media, at home or walking through the malls. Pressure to look and dress a certain way. It’s hard.  It should not be underestimated. Some people don’t realize the struggle some of the young girls in our communities are experiencing.

We as a community (especially men) can sometimes be very judgmental, not because they're mean horrible people but, because many of us can’t appreciate how difficult it is. Many people can’t grasp the fact that it’s actually NOT a very easy decision to take off the hijab. It’s very difficult and usually involves a lot of confusion, pain, fear and concern.

I am not saying we support the decision of young girls taking off their hijabs; in fact if you do support their decisions, you would be doing them injustice. Words like I am so proud of you for what you did, You look beautiful either way, Hijab doesn’t matter, It’s all about the intentions does not help these young women in this life nor in the next. If these are things that you say, then you’re harming your friend because you’re supporting the sin and not the person.
“There's a fine line between judging a person’s heart who is outwardly guilty of a public sin and congratulating a person for their sin. Be supportive of the person, not the sin.” - Sheikh Omar Suleiman

This is not to say you outcast them, openly bash or speak harshly to them. NO. NO.NO! That’s not how our Prophet (PBUH) used to deal with similar issues. Instead, we should learn how to help our friends learn the little things they missed out on. The little details that make the hijab so magical and beautiful. In essence, you’re teaching them how to feel beautiful all over again. This is because at the end of the day, after you remove your makeup and clothes, you’re left with a bare face that needs to see beauty in itself.

We are free to make our own decisions but if you consider yourself part of a community, then you’re just as responsible for these girls.

Parents:

  • Teach your kids to make decisions for themselves. Guide and give them a proper foundation as children and you’ll be glad to know that when it comes time to make important decisions, they’ll make the right ones on their own.

  • Teach your daughters to feel beautiful. God is beautiful and he loves all that is beautiful. Feeling beautiful will NOT turn them into rebels. It will grow a sense of confidence they can build on to later become super women (in their careers or within their families).


Men:

  • Don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions when you see a girl remove her hijab. Know that there’s is a lot of pain involved in it for her too. Know that there is a lot more going on behind the scenes. Things you are not aware of. Appreciate the difficulty in putting on the hijab. If you are unable to help in any way, a simple prayer will do.


Community members:

  • Encourage all those events that promote beauty, self-confidence, and empowerment for women. It’s not just all about Dawah and fundraisers. These girls are members of your community. Take care of them .


Girls:

  • Remember what the Hijab is all about. It is about self respect; not appearing like an object; it is to be loved and not to be lusted

  • Be courteous of your Giver and Caretaker. Allah has provided you with so many benefits; health, wealth, vision, cars, clothes …He gives you soo much and asks for so little.

  • It's all about my intentions, they tell me. You're very right but Robin Hood wasn’t perfect, he was still a thief.  Although intentions may be pure, actions are the end result.


 
 Hi.jab

Noun -

1.A head covering worn in public by some Muslim women.

2.The religious code that governs the wearing of such clothing.

 

Much love.

3 comments:

  1. You speak of hijab as if it just throwing a scarf on your head. This is not true, hijab is the total way you dress. Modesty is the key here. If you put on a scarf perfectly wrapped in the Arabic style but you're wearing leggings with a top that stops at your waist, you are not in hijab. So please do not continue to perpetuate this untrue stereotype. Hijab is more than a scarf on your head.

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    1. The author mentioned that modesty is one of the key elements of hijab, along with the fact that it is required in Islam. The idea of wearing tight clothing with a scarf is another discussion that is of course important, but not the main idea here. Another blog can be made about that topic if you would like to write it. So, she was not "perpetuating an untrue stereotype," this article offers support to those girls who are struggling with a significant aspect of their religion. Great blog, thanks for writing it.

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